How to ensure your criticism remains constructive...(especially if the person involved is a friend)

Consider Persons A, B, and yourself. Assume that Person A is your friend. You're good friends. And then you find yourself having an issue with Person A. But since you and Person A are such good friends, you, as much as possible, try hard not to be confrontational with Person A, for the sake of the friendship(or at least you convince yourself it's the way to keep/save the friendship).

So you seek out Person B and tell them about your issues with Person A with the hope that they may talk to Person A and get the matter resolved.

The problem with this situation is when Person B is in the position to use what you told them to destroy Person A. Even though your intention was meant to be constructive, the result might potentially be destructive to Person A.

My advice: please do tell Person A directly. If you think you can't, try. If you still think you can't because it's hard to confront your friend, try again. If you think you can't because Person A might not understand or might get deffensive, try anyway. If you think you can't because you KNOW for sure Person A will get defensive, tell Person A anyway.

Personally, I would rather risk losing the friendship than jeopardizing my friend's future and possibly my friend's life by telling about my issues with my friend to other people who might prove potentially dangerous to my friend. Afterall, if the friendship is good and solid, then it will find its way through every obstacle. Sometimes, you might take a while to get there but when you do, it will be worth it.

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Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O, Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love with all my heart;
for it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.